 Introspection is essential in the process of change. Taking inventory of your thoughts, feelings, motives, behaviors and dispositions will help you learn who you are. Knowing that you think, feel or behave a certain way is the beginning of understanding why you think, feel, or behave in that way. Questions to ask include:
What emotions do I have most often? How do I display those emotions? What are my thoughts towards myself? What are my thoughts about others around me? How do I make others feel when they are around me? Am I constantly at odds with those around me? Answering these self-exploratory questions will help you identify those areas that may be problematic. Identifying problematic areas in your life will open the door to begin the process of change---it starts with YOU.
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 April is COUNSELING AWARENESS MONTH. "Counseling is a
professional relationship that empowers diverse individuals, families, and groups to accomplish mental health, wellness, education, and career goals." (20/20: Consensus Definition of Counseling).  Pregnancy loss is a sensitive subject that requires careful consideration. The devastation of pregnancy loss not only affects you physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The mental aspects of pregnancy loss may involve confusion, guilt and doubt. Emotionally you may experience sadness, anger and grief. Spiritually you may blame God for your loss. Putting these thoughts and emotions into perspective will allow you to move beyond your current state to a place of acceptance, peace and hope.
The first step involves being honest about your thoughts and feelings. No matter how difficult it may be, allow yourself to experience the thoughts and feelings and don't place judgment on yourself because them. You can't begin to process these thoughts and emotions if you are not honest about what you are experiencing. Secondly, allow yourself to grieve. Allowing yourself to grieve on your terms is essential to navigating through the process to a place of healing. Chances are you will be faced with individuals that will not understand your loss and expect you to "be yourself". The truth is, you are being yourself and you are choosing to deal with your loss on your terms, not theirs. Thirdly, remember the relationship you had with God prior to the loss. If you loved God and recognized Him as Sovereign prior to your loss, He is still the same God. If you had no relationship with God prior to your loss, establishing a relationship with Him and building upon that will help you on your path to healing. Building upon your relationship may involve prayer, reading the Bible and attending worship services. Finally, get support from someone you trust. When building your support network, utilize individuals that (1) will be sensitive to your loss; (2) won't judge you for how you feel; (3) will encourage you when needed; and (4) will have a positive impact to your mental, emotional and spiritual growth. Pregnancy loss may be devastating, however, healing is possible. Remember, healing is a process and does not happen overnight. Allow yourself the necessary time to work through the process so that you will arrive at a place of acceptance regarding the loss; mental, emotional and spiritual peace; and hope for the future. Job loss can be associated with feelings of defeat, shame and uncertainty. Feelings of
defeat occur because of the loss itself. Jobs are often referred to as a “living”. Consider the expression “making a living”. The implication here is that the job is what makes one alive, which is far from the truth. One may consider this loss to be directly connected with their sense of self. The loss of a job would therefore be synonymous with a loss of self. A loss of self is a critical phase that requires immediate consideration. Shame is associated with the perceived embarrassment of no longer being employed. This is especially true when one’s job is associated with one’s life and sense of self. The uncertainty arises when one is unaware how financial responsibilities will be managed. The devastation of job loss can have a significant impact on those caught in the path of its destruction. The impact is often minimized and those effected can be victims of the “just get another job” type of support from friends and family. This only exacerbates the feelings of defeat, shame and uncertainty. There is no cookie-cutter approach to resolving feelings associated with job loss. One must, however, understand the source of those feelings and deal with each as they arise. This is critical and will determine one’s success in subsequent jobs. Unresolved job loss issues can negatively impact one’s productivity on the job as well as job retention. Job loss can be viewed as either an opportunity for growth or a set-up for defeat. Even in defeat, however, hope is waiting to be manifested. How one responds could be the difference between success or disappointment. |
Naquisha Howard-Stubbs, MA, LPCI am a a Licensed Psychotherapist specializing in helping individuals live emotionally, mentally and spiritually fulfilling lives. Archives
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Photos used under Creative Commons from DanaK~WaterPenny, kennethkonica, seyed mostafa zamani
